Self-Sabotage Series – Article 1

Self-Sabotage can hold you back from Achieving Your Goals.  

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage is a pattern, or patterns, of behaviour of which cause problems and hold you back from achieving goals for your life. Among the most common self-sabotaging behaviours are procrastination, laziness, excessive alcohol use, poor food choices, fast food addiction, and being too lazy to exercise.

Some folk self-sabotage by binging on comfort foods, and even forms of self-injury such as cutting. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, these acts may seem helpful, but if they are ongoing will eventually cause harm. Unfortunately not everyone is aware that they are self-sabotaging, because they do not connect failure to the consequences of self-defeating behaviour. For example when something flops or fails, many are heard to say: “I just knew it wouldn’t work out.”

Self-defeating behaviour and a lack of belief may have the sunk their plans before they even got off the ground.

Studies have shown that it is nevertheless possible to overcome almost any form self-sabotage issues, even if you have not learnt anything from many disappointing experiences and failures.

How does self-sabotage happen?

Simply put, self-sabotage happens when you get in your own way when trying to do things. You may have accumulated some distorted beliefs that have led you to doubt your own capabilities, to suppress your feelings about certain things, or to lash out at those close to you for minor issues. 

You know that this is not the way you want to be, but feel powerless to change or control the destructive behaviours. Experts agree that the most important aspect of dealing with counterproductive behaviour, is to identify where it might be coming from.

Most people have goals, some big like reaching the top of your profession, and some small like sorting out your garage at home. There is always a likelihood that you may not reach all of the goals you have, but the problem does not lie in the goals you set, but more in the ways we prevent ourselves from meeting our goals when we indulge in self-sabotage.

Many of the self-sabotaging behaviours are the result of ingrained thought patterns and negative responses which caused you to lose touch with your life goals and personal values. 

Factors which contribute to self-sabotaging.

There are some behaviours which help to lead you into a self-sabotaging mode.

·      Being afraid of your thoughts.Some of your thoughts may have power over you, and influence your behaviour. In your mind, you decide that the best way to cope is to suppress the thought, and not process it. If there has been drama, you begin to doubt and obsess about what has happened, and are often stuck in no-mans-land, unable to put things right, even though you may want to. 

·      If only. This is the most used phrase uttered in moments of regret in life. In the sports world for example, golfers often say “wow, I would have wonif onlyI didn’t miss that last putt” while a footballer might castigate himself for missing a penalty which cost the game. You may be labouring under the regret of missed opportunities and always wonder what would have happened if only you had done things differently. This attitude results in self-sabotaging doubt in yourself, which can affect future decisions you might have to make.

·      Hiding your feelings. When you hide your feelings, especially when something has upset you, the emotions build up and grow worse. Acknowledging your feelings, but without a hysterical outburst, will provide healing for your emotions and your self-esteem.

·      Procrastination.Don’t get into the habit of doing everything tomorrow, which can easily be done to day. Sometimes the tomorrows just never seem to come, and you begin to feel worse and worse as things mount-up and become more urgent.

These are just a few of the behaviours which may need attention and change.

How behavioural therapy can help you.

Behavioural experts agree that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in conjunction with Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a recommended way to move forward.

CBT is a therapy used to help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave, as well as developing personal coping strategies.

NLP is a set of tools and techniques which helps to access the subconscious mind where many of the self-sabotaging attitudes are lurking. You will learn how to overcome the problem issues and achieve the goals you have set for yourself.

Studies have shown that ECBT (Enhanced CBT) and NLP and Hypno-Psychoterapy are excellent methods to give you a new mindset, restore self-confidence, and get rid of self-sabotaging issues.