If you want to be respected by others in your world while also ensuring that you maintain good relationships, it is important to send a clear message both to yourself (your unconscious mind) and to others. This concept is simple in theory; although the behaviour is not universally adopted, set boundaries regarding what you are willing to accept and what you find to be unacceptable. The practice of setting and enforcing boundaries sends the message to your unconscious mind, and to others, that you are not a ‘pushover’ and that you are worthy of respect.
When you begin to set clear personal boundaries, the positive outcomes are cross contextual. The message that you send to yourself will change your physiology and, in turn, how you present yourself to the world. The one caveat to setting clear boundaries that is imperative to your success is that you must also be flexible. It is the delicate balance of being firm without being stiff and rigid or intolerant. This is an equally true principle for all forms of negotiation and communication.
Do you have a long history of people making the assumption that you will always be the one to fold when challenged? Or do you find yourself in social situations in which others don’t seem to consider your opinion or give you the respect you deserve?
When you decide to change your approach and set boundaries for yourself in these types of situations, it may feel a little uncomfortable and even confrontational, especially to people who have not been exposed to you holding your ground or standing up for yourself. How can you shift your inner state to ensure that when you do start to set boundaries, you will be able to integrate your new behaviour in a comfortable manner?
How to identify changes you want to make to your existing boundaries
Consider these factors:
· Do you always make yourself available to others?
· What are the reasons you are popular with your friends?
· How do you feel after spending time with friends, family or work colleagues?
· What level of attention do people expect from you at ‘the drop of a hat’?
Also, make a list of what you want to change in a specific context:
· List five things you will no longer allow people to say to you (e.g. you will never earn that kind of money).
· List five things you want people to no longer do in your presence (e.g. making racist or homophobic remarks).
· List five things you want people to cease doing to you (e.g. being inconsistent or nasty).
Now that you have tools to identify how to make changes to your existing boundaries, stay tuned for the next blog on how Hypnosis and NLP can give you the tools to set boundaries and get results